


The Blackflirting Blues

by Alana



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Detectives, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 08:47:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19971274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alana/pseuds/Alana
Summary: Detective Jade Harley has a troll-shaped thorn in her side.





	The Blackflirting Blues

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Etnoe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Etnoe/gifts).



When Detective Jade Harley arrived at the scene of the crime, still in her nightgown under her coat, she found Pyrope already there; Pyrope had a stick of chalk hanging from her lip like a cigarette, a suit (that would be as sharp as her teeth if it wasn't gaudily tie-dyed) wrapped around her, and a grin like she'd already solved the case splitting her face. "Jade!" she greeted, cheerfully, and slings her arm around Jade's shoulders.

"Nngh," Jade replied, with a dubious glare at the freelance sleuth as she ducked out from under her arm. "Why are you here? This happened twenty minutes ago--"

"I was next door," she said, gesturing at the absurd and lopsided hive next to the similar one they're loitering in front of; Jade had to duck away from her cane. "I know who did it, you know!"

Jade grumbled under her breath, and brushed past the thorn in her side, rubbing her forehead as she climbed the stairs and ducked under the police tape. Pyrope followed, undeterred by the barrier.

"Don't you want to know who it was?" she asked, grin still wide on her face.

Jade snapped, "I don't even know what happened yet--" over her shoulder, and her sneaker landed in a puddle of something wet and cold and slick that spilled her right onto the floor.

Pyrope laughed at her, and Jade pushed down the urge to do something the troll would pretend to think was blackromantic. 

•••

"So tell me," Jade asked the blueblood, "what... exactly am I here for?"

He was sweating profusely, and seemed to have spilled milk all over the floor; the towels scattered in his vicinity seemed to be already soaked, and he was wringing one between his hands. She could hear the fibers tearing. She wished she was back in bed. She extra wished she had not spent the walk up the hive dodging other milk spills.

"There was a ruckus that occurred within my hive," he said, "a... ludicrously loud one. When I exited my workshop, I was very cross to discover several priceless pieces of artwork had been looted, and my lusus injured." The towel tore in half between his fingers, unnoticed. "Whatever hooligans assaulted my Aurthour and stole the valuables MUST be brought to justice."

"Okay!" Jade said, with forced cheer, and cast around for another towel-- Pyrope held one out, grinning widely, and Jade passed it along to the distraught blueblood, who took it with a murmured thanks. "Can you describe the missing art for me? Do you have any pictures of them?"

"You don't want to see the pictures," Pyrope said, and Jade's cheer thinned along with her smile.

"I do, actually! But thank you for your input, Miss Pyrope!"

•••

She did not want to see the pictures.

She supposed it was... nice, that Humanity and Trollmanity had so many things in common, that the two cultures could intertwine so easily, live alongside each other... but uncomfortable furry porn being one of the commonalities was pretty fucking weird!

"So, do you want a hint?" Pyrope asked from behind her, emerging from the hive with a grin. Jade was taking a breather as the forensic guys did their work, sitting on the steps of the hive and drinking bad coffee an officer had brought around. Pyrope had claimed the donut with the most sprinkles from the accompanying box, even though she didn't work for them, and the officer had let her.

Jade sighed. "Why are you _here_ , Pyrope? Surely there's some.... some graffiti you could be licking on the other side of the city."

The troll giggled at her, and spilled herself across the stoop of the hive, propped up on an elbow and carelessly close to Jade. "Probably! But I'd rather watch you struggle, little Detective." She reached out one clawed hand, booped Jade's nose, and laughed harder when Jade let out a growl. "Really, any time you give up, just let me know!"

She was not going to give up, but Pyrope didn't deserve to know that; instead of answering, Jade gulped down her coffee as she stood, tossed the cup at the troll's face, and tried not to feel too irritated when Pyrope caught it with ease.

•••

"I don't know why you don't just get my job, if you want to do it so much," Jade snapped, and tried to push the troll off her desk at the precinct. Her butt was on Jade's work! Her smile was in Jade's personal space! Thankfully, she was between Jade and the pictures of the stolen art-- the only positive in this situation. "How do you even get _in_ here."

"Oh, you know," Pyrope said, and tugged her tie loose, popping the top clasp of her shirt open-- clearly making herself comfortable. "How's the case going?"

Jade growled, wordlessly, and thought very hard about strangling the troll, who was starting to laugh at her. "If you don't leave, I'm going to arrest you," Jade said, "for... for being a public nuisance."

"But Jade! How could I be a nuisance, when I'm a concerned citizen trying to tip the police about a _very_ serious crime? It's already been sooo long since it happened, what if the trail gets cold?" Pyrope cackles again, and starts sniffing the air, which Jade doesn't like at all.

"Go away," Jade says, and is ignored; the troll instead steals her coffee mug, sips it, then scrunches her nose like it's gross and puts it back down. "A _way_. The way I want you to go is _a_. Get off my desk!"

Terezi used the toe of her bright red shoe to open the bottom drawer of the desk, and leaned down to claim the box of Tangle Buddy© Marshmallows Marshmallows And More Marshmallows Cereal Jade kept for long shifts. "Oh, now this is more like it!" she chirps, and tells Jade, "Ignore me! It'll be like I'm not even here. Just work on your case, Harley!"

•••

When they arrived at the Seadweller's residence, Jade and her search warrant found Pyrope sitting on the shipwreck's railing, a bag over her shoulder and a smug grin on her face. "You were taking too long," she explained, tossing the bag down to Jade; she caught it, and knew, in her heart, that it held the framed portraits of horny horsemen.

She also knew, in her heart, that she kind of hated Terezi.

"Hey!" she called up, and tipped her head to the side, and tried to smile. "Why don't you come down here, Terezi, and tell me how you got these?"

Pyrope tipped her head, sniffed the air, and hopped down. "Oh, I'd love to--" she started; Jade shouldered her, hard, into the water, turned on her heel, and walked back towards the boat they'd taken to get out here.

Behind her, Pyrope is spluttering and laughing and splashing back up onto dry shipwreck, and calls out, sounding _delighted_ , "I'll see you later, Jade!"

•••

It had been a long week, and Jade had spent most of it irritated by one particularly nosy troll; it was a relief to collapse on the couch and open a roleplay she would have to apologize for abandoning. Sorry, catluv:33r, it's her job, not the RP--

When she heard someone knocking, she hoped it was Dave or John or Rose, come to see if she could hang out, for once; when she opened the door, she found Pyrope instead, and it was only the cane the troll jammed into her apartment that kept her from slamming the door in her face.

"Hi!" Pyrope says; she was wearing a truly hideous shirt with a dragon on it, and Jade hated it with every fiber of her being. Her hair was pulled back into a stubby ponytail, her grin wide, and her cane was trying to lever the door open; Jade hated those things, too.

"What do you want, Pyrope," Jade asked, as the door is forced open a couple inches, and Pyrope's foot slipped inside.

"I just wanted you to know-- I was _very_ impressed when you came to raid Eridan's hive!" Pyrope laughed, and Jade had to take a deep breath.

"Were you really? I _thought_ you spent all week taunting me!" Jade said, heat in her voice, eyebrows drawn down as she glowered at the troll. "I don't _think_ I imagined all that."

"Oh, no, not with you solving the case, I could have done it in half the time-- even if I hadn't been there when Vriska dared that idiot to do it--"

Jade stomped on the troll's foot, but she was wearing slippers, and Pyrope hardly even seemed to notice, except to take advantage of Jade's distraction to push the rest of the way into the apartment.

"-- I was impressed you finally flirted back," Terezi said, cheerfully, and her claws dug into Jade's shirt to drag her into a kiss.

"Oh," Jade said, into Terezi's fangs and tongue, as she put together the reason behind Pyrope's persistent pestness; and then she realized that she rather liked fangs and tongues, but she really, really, really thought she might like shoving the troll into the door and biting back even more.


End file.
